Explaining the hostage release to children, especially those on the autism spectrum

So, how do we mediate such a sensitive and complex reality to them?

By LIBBY BAGNO-SIMON FEBRUARY 4, 2025 04:01

THE WRITER’S daughter, with autism spectrum disorder, looks at photos of hostages, including those who have been released. Parents, educators must provide children on the spectrum with appropriate tools for understanding, to reduce their anxiety, and mediate a difficult reality, says the writer. (photo credit: LIBBY BAGNO-SIMON)

Children on the autism spectrum, especially those who are high-functioning, tend to be exceptionally perceptive. Their attention to detail makes them particularly sensitive to information – both that which is intentionally presented to them and that which passes by them indirectly. 

The media discourse surrounding the hostage deal and their return from captivity can become a subject of interest and even fixation for children on the spectrum. 

They remember names and pictures, listen to the news, and can recite entire reports by heart. Sometimes, they struggle to understand why some return while others don’t, and the complexity of trying to explain this to them is even greater than with neurotypical children. 

The reason is that children on the spectrum tend to persist, repeat their questions, develop fixations, and can turn certain topics into a central and sometimes exclusive preoccupation.

ELWYN CENTERS treat children with developmental delays and autism, and research shows that this early intervention can have a significant impact on their progression. (credit: Elwyn Israel)

Mediating the complexity of hostage releases

So, how do we mediate such a sensitive and complex reality to them?

1) Using social stories: Every parent of a child on the spectrum is familiar with social stories – an essential tool for explaining various social and existential situations. 

Kindergartens and schools use them through simple narratives, illustrations, pictures, and clear text adapted to the child’s age and level of understanding. These stories can help explain the reality of the hostages in a more accessible and structured way.

2) Giving space and legitimacy to their interest: Attempting to sweep the subject under the rug only increases repetitive behavior and feelings of uncertainty in children on the spectrum. 

It’s important to listen to their questions, validate their interest, and ask them what they already know to establish a starting point for discussion. This way, we can choose which details to expand upon and which to minimize exposure to.

3) Making connections to daily life examples: The situation of hostages in Gaza is an exceptional event that’s difficult to compare to a child’s daily experiences. However, it can be connected to broader topics such as unfairness, dealing with patience and waiting, and coping with situations beyond our control. 

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These topics are essential for understanding reality for children on the spectrum, and discussing them can provide tools for dealing with other situations as well.

4) Reducing anxiety: Children on the spectrum tend to suffer from increased anxiety stemming from uncertainty and changes. The prolonged hostage situation creates feelings of confusion and insecurity. 

It’s important to assure them that they themselves are safe, that we have an army protecting us, and they have a family caring for them. When they persist with additional questions, depending on their maturity level, we can explain the concept of war in a simple and not-too-graphic way. 

Accompanying the explanation with illustrations or professional guidance may help them understand better.

5) Sharing joy over the return of hostages: Each phase in the hostage deal raises national morale and brings joy to many. Share these feelings of happiness with the children, show them pictures of family reunions, and explain why parents and relatives cry from excitement. 

This is also an appropriate time to discuss the concept of ‘missing someone’ – what it means, what happens when you don’t see a loved one for a long time, and how to cope with such feelings. 

For children on the spectrum, this is an opportunity to understand and express a complex emotion that is not sufficiently discussed.

In conclusion, children on the spectrum experience reality through different and deeper information processing. As parents and educators, we must provide them with appropriate tools for understanding, reducing anxiety, and mediating a difficult reality in a gentle and personally adapted way. 

Through open communication, structured stories, and emotional discourse, we can help them process reality in a healthier and more inclusive way.

The writer is a behavior analyst at the Tipuli Child Development Center, and mother of two children who have autism spectrum disorder.