“Please Don’t Forget Us”

Photo Credit: Avshalom Sassoni/Flash90

Hareidi men joining the IDF. Oct. 23, 2023

When freshmen entered the HS I attended, there was a established (and terrible) trick the seniors would play on them; they would encourage them to ask a select senior “which concertos does your mom play on the piano?” The senior would pretend to put his head down to sob, with those around him reprimanding him saying: “What’s the matter with you? Don’t you know his mom doesn’t have hands?“!….

To my dismay, this it far from a kids-ploy in Israel of 2024 each time a senior leader of the [so-called] “Ultra-Orthodox” community publicizes a “Mitzva” of not drafting into the IDF during war. Each time it’s uttered, a fresh bereaved family, profoundly attempting to maintain a routine with a huge “hole” in their life, is shattered…AGAIN.  To say it “breaks the heart” wouldn’t do justice, as the [too many] bereaved families around us, who’s loved-ones gave their very life for the security of their people, fulfilling the ultimate Mitzvot [plural] of “sanctifying G-d’s name” while “saving fellow Jews from those that pursue them” [amongst a few more] listen to those that say that it was all…in vain.

A few days ago, a video was publicized in which one such rabbinic leader told his students that the ONLY thing that secures Jews in Israel is their learning, which includes [free translation] “improving your character traits, prayer, doing kindness and EVERY PART OF JUDAISM…You’re working hard to be great and close to G-d, and THIS, being close to G-d, is what makes the entire land of Israel survive. Therefore, this justifies you being deserters [from service in the IDF]….You, in essence, are the ones that are holding the entire Israel together. You are deserters, and it’s permissible to be deserters. It’s actually a MITZVA to be a deserter“.

Without commenting on the content of what the Torah commands an observant Jew to do during a war against his fellow Jews, I just want to point out what such sermons do to [especially religious] bereaved families who lost a loved-one in war. Read, by example, the words of Chagi Luber, who’s [observant, streimal-wearing] son, Yonatan hy”d, was killed in Gaza almost a year ago,[and see through the cynicism which is a cover for genuine pain]:

“Did you hear Yonatan? There’s a new Mitzva in the Torah, the mitzva to be a deserter. How could you miss it when you charged the enemy in battle? How didn’t you know, when you defended, with your very life, women, children & the elderly, that you are “violating” this Mitzva? You thought [in error] that there is a Mitzva of Pikuach Nefesh and that you are fighting a Milchemet Mitzva, an obligatory war. You thought you were doing the will of G-d. Guess you were wrong. There’s a bigger Mitzva, far bigger, probably written in some book you must have missed. The mitzva to be a deserter. It’s even a Mitzva who’s reward is very clear- it allows you to live, your parents won’t have to be in mourning and constant hurt, your wife doesn’t have to be a widow missing her husband terribly, and children don’t have to be orphans with no father. The mitzva to be a deserter…You lived by mistake and thus died by mistake“.

This is not an isolated incident. When the former Chief Rabbi of Israel said how it was forbidden for any Yeshiva student to serve in the army, and whoever doesn’t believe that it’s in their merit [only] that we are victorious and saved is [no less then] a Apikores/Heritc “, adding that if the state of Israel will obligate Yeshiva students to serve in the military “we will all buy plane-tickets and leave the country“, Rabbi Tamir Granot, a Rosh-Yeshiva, who’s son, Amitai hy”d was killed up north, turned to him saying: “I ask you, Kevod HaRav”/esteemed Rabbi, in the name of my wife Avivit’s tears, was Amitai wrong? Is he now lying under mounds of earth on Mount-Hertzel in vain? Was he, together with all his fellow soilders that are lying there next to him, and in other cemeteries around the country, supposed to have stayed in Yeshiva [rather then go to battle]?”

When turning, totally respectfully, to the Chief Rabbi of then, saying that “you must ask forgiveness for the tears of my wife and my son Amitai, a Yeshiva-student and fighter, and from all the Tzadikim & Kedoshim/the righteous and holy that learned Torah and choose to fight [in war], together with those that didn’t learn Torah and gave their life“, the reply of the chief Rabbi was that this was, no less, then “Chutzpa” to speak against “a Rabbi in Israel”.

And to add hurt to hurt, when these families asked to meet with the Chief Rabbi, they were refused, with his secretary stating that “write a letter and [maybe] he’ll answer it”.

The “debate” regarding [so called] Ultra-Orthodox who refuse to serve in the IDF (even during war) won’t be solved easily, and of course, nobody can take life-dependent decisions based only on “the feelings of the heart”, on the emotional hurt for all those that fell in this war.

But G-d gave us both a mind AND a heart, upon both we are commanded [almost] daily to wear Tefillin with G-d holy name. I therefore urge my counterparts in the [so called] Ultra-Orthodox world to PLEASE do one thing when you [should] state your opinion. Please, THINK of how your statements against serving in the IDF might influence and hurt hurting families who lost their most precious and this only within the last year. State your opinion, yet formulate it in a way that doesn’t hurt already hurting hearts.  And when, despite it all, your statements do cause extra hurt to these precious families, go out and meet them [especially when they request it], hear them, debate with them civilly, but most importantly- DON’T IGNORE THEM.

Almost each Monday and Thursday, we plead “And despite it all, we didn’t forget you name, please don’t forget us“. If we ask this from G-d, let’s at least ask it from ourselves.