TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE HANUKAH–IN MONSEY

Twas the night before Hanukah when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The latkes were laid out on the table with care
Alongside the newest musical dreidels on the market that year.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sufganiot danced in their heads.
And mamma in her kerchief, and I in my yarmulke cap,
Had just settled into bed for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of midday to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Moshiach.
More rapid than eagles his reindeers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Who is it? Who is it?” my wife wanted to know.
“Moshiach,” I told her, trembling with fear.
“Wake the children!” I urged. “Hurry and hide them! Don’t stall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

“He’s come to whisk us away to the Land of Israel,” I said.
“Isn’t that what we pray for?” she asked, her faced rosy red.
“What?! And give up all that we have? Are you nuts?! Hide the kids in the basement. Now! Without any buts!”

“But we pray for the ingathering three times a day,” she pouted. “Shut up and crawl under the bed!” I shouted. “There is a war on in Israel that never will end. Let the Israelis fight the Arabs. We have Yiddishkeit to defend!”

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I crawled under the bed and was turning around,
Down the chimney Moshiach came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Jews filled his big sack and he gazed around to find more, as if he knew we were hiding for sure.

My heart was beating so fast, I thought I’d have an attack
As Moshiach searched about, looking for Jews he could put in his sack. He chuckled and whistled out a Zionist tune,
While I held my breath lest my life come to ruin.

“Wake up! Wake up from your slumber!” he called.
If you don’t come now, you’re gonna be mauled!”
He had a broad face and a big round belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl of gefilta-fish jelly.

He was chubby and plump like a jolly old elf,
But I peed in my pants in spite of myself/
“You’ll all be sorry!” he called, shaking his fist.
Then, with a grunt, I saw him cross our names off his list.

“You forgot to place Jerusalem above your highest joy.
So your children will grow up to marry some goy.
You had your chance, but I can’t waste my time and delay.
Stay here with your money and continue to pray.”

He spoke nothing more, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings with bagels, then turned with a jerk.
And holding up his finger by his big Jewish nose,
He let out a laugh and up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, before he drove out of sight,
“Happy exile to all, and to all a good-night!”